yesterdae i was chatting wif dear dear on the phone.. he goin taiwan le... hai!! then he sae his campmates were discussin abt whether should they go there call "chicken".... mayb wat Paul sae is right lor... but very de worry... even though dear dear promised me he wun... but then i juz worry lor.... the "seduction", peers pressure... curiousity... hai~ God noes wat will happen lor... hai~ reali at a lost... can see that i always "look" happy... but when i thinkin, who noes??? no one lor... truely bein happy aren't easy lor... i like once in awhile then i reali happy lor... hai~ although i told cait n jean that i will enjoy my freedom de... but then hai~ i cfm will miss dear dear de lor... cause i noe i reali love him... although not that deep... but then i still reali do love him... reali prayin hard that i wun face the heartache of breakin up anymore... i dun wan to go back to depression... i wanna be like i am now... able to vent my frustration normally.. to some of u, u may find it an easy thing to do... but for me??!! it is almost impossible to vent my frustration without hurtin myself... can sae i saddist ba... lolx... but i stop that long ago le.. abt half a year liao ba... cause i noe dear dear dun like... n i oso noe he wun noe how to handle me if i reali still behave that way...
although i always sae that i dun love dear dear as deep as i loved that person... but then the truth is, dear dear is the only guy that i actually cares abt his feelin n thinkin... the only one that makes me lost contact wif most of the guy frens of mine willingly... cause i reali very tire of BGR le... i told dear dear yesterdae that if we 2 ever break up, i will take a break from BGR lor... cause very de tire n sian le... 3 yrs le... i nv reali been single... werid rite??? reali feel like havin that freedom again... no one tryin to jio me... no one to occupy my time n mind... no responsibility... can do watever i like wif whoever i want... lolx.... dun think the bad direction wor... hee hee... wun that be nice???? miss the feelin alot... but then i oso not willing to give up my current life wif dear for the freedom... hee hee...
rite now, i'm totally devoted to my dear dear ----> Pan Wanxiang.... hee hee... cause i reali wanna make him my last one... dun wan anyone else le... the past is past... history can nv continue de... Dear, if u ever see this post, i juz wanna let u noe that i love u alot... although i can't make any promise to u durin the 3 wks u at taiwan... as i got no faith to keep all the promise... but then obviously i wun cheat on u la... i promise u... in my heart, there is only u now... no one else... i cherish this relationship as much as u... so i reali hope we will last forever... thanx for acceptin who i am n nv try to change me... thanx for acceptin my past... thanx for always givin in to me... i noe all the things u did to make me happy n to avoid quarrels.. reali thanx alot... thanx for fightin for me n makin me realise how much u love me... thanx dear.... muack...
Blogged @ 5:59 PM
Don't let me go -