after 13 years of relationship and 11 years of marriage, I have to admit it’s really not easy to maintain the relationship.. went through my last posts and I realised that this is a recurring issue. Behaviour vs my expectation. Somehow I know he will nv to be that someone who will wholeheartedly be home for the family. But yet I nv stop believing that one day he will because we are all supposed to grow up some day right? But after so Long, I realised that some people really don’t grow up.. if given a choice, I would also prefer to be the me who was 16.. stay 16 forever.. no responsibility, no worries, just be yourself. What’s the biggest mistake you can make then? Failing your exam? That seems like the smallest issue in my whole life now.

Work is a mess. I’m feeling reali stressed out and trying to cope with it every day. But the amount of work is simply killing me. Home.. nth is smooth.. we almost walked out from this marriage just week ago. But yet I still think we can make it work.. but every day after trying, I realised that it’s a wishful thinking. I can’t make it work.. marriage is a two person thingy. One person can’t save the marriage while the other think I’m not worthwhile.. I feel it even without him saying that “I don’t love you”. It’s hurt and I’m still trying to accept this.. but what is a marriage without love? I don’t noe how to move on from here.. at 34 years old and he still hasn’t played enough.. come home instead of spending quality time together doing simply task like talking, watching tv etc, he is always on his phone.. playing his game, secretly sending messages to I don’t noe who. Then late at night (ard 10pm onwards) he will always go out and meet ‘his fren’.. which fren, ns fren.. seriously which ns fren I got no idea.. n best, he off his phone? Ha.. it’s ur Guess what he does outside..

I just read his blog post before writing this post.. we had our sweet moments with him telling me I’m the most important person in his life.. with him saying how much he loves me.. but somehow I know he no longer feels this way.. it felt like I’m restricting him.. stopping him from hanging out with his friends.. but somehow I don’t understand why he needs to be that secretive? Who and where is nv said.. come home at 2/3am.. but if he stays at home, it’s his phone and his phone.. I talk to him more till 12mn he will show me he very tired already.. it’s difficult for me to keep trying to savage this marriage.. I don’t noe how to save this marriage..

At this stage, I can only say that I will try.. for the sake of the kids.. for our years spent together.. but I don’t noe how Long I can hang on.. there might be one day we might still end up separated like what I blogged 4/5 years ago.. but at least now I can give myself some time to accept this. To try.. but I feel like it’s a losing war.. I’m losing to his games.. his friends.. I’m no longer important.. not his priority..

Shall stop here today.. bye guys..
Blogged @ 2:44 AM
Don't let me go -