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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

On the last day of 2019, i just wanna say 2019 has been a year of changes for me. I focused more on myself for the past 4 months and I seriously felt great. it has been sooooo long since I last focused on myself. Work was always busy. I kept telling myself it's a phase, it will past. but for almost 8 years, the work didn't slow down. and it definitely wasn't because i was inefficient. hahaha..

sure, i felt less important after i left my work.. i was lost.. i was feeling dispensable.. like not needed.. not needed by work, not needed by my children.. in fact, i think that's why i started to feel bored.. i felt like i'm not necessary anywhere.. but honestly, despite being so important during my time with the previous company (my phone always ringing non-stop and everyday everyone was looking for me), fact is i was still easily replaced. yes, maybe their processes are not in place now that i'm no longer there. but the company is still running perfectly fine. I received calls from ppl looking for someone who is still there to discuss/talk to, but hey, the company is still running. despite ppl not doing their work, those ppl are still there.. they aren't penalised.. they aren't replaced..

it wasn't easy, to suddenly deal with so much time for myself.. but i'm learning.. after this, i just wanna live for myself.. not for my work, not for my children.. this is my life.. i should be living it for me.. especially since work now is easier, then i should seriously think abt me more..

this year, i made mistakes.. but i should move on.. everyone makes mistakes.. learn from it and grow from there.. i can do this.. i'm me.. the girl who never back down, never give up.. life throws lemon at me, i still march on and continue to be strong.. always remember, i can do it.. if you asked me at 16 years old whether i can make it in life, i will tell u i can't.. i was a flop/mess then.. skipping school, playing gangster, YOLO-ing.. haha.. despite that being my best year in my life, i have no faith in myself.. but looking at how far i have come along today, i'm glad to say i can do it.. i'm doing alot better than alot of my peeps and there's no excuses...

believe in me and i will continue to go far..

Blogged @ 10:08 AM
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