I realised being lied to in your fucking face for 4 years is such a terrible feeling. I trusted this guy 100% and even after that “wechat” incident, I didn’t doubt him. Not a bit.
Yest, I realised that his night run involved renting a car for a hour/two hour road trip to a wtf park in Singapore in the middle of the night (11pm++ to usually 1am).. again claiming he didn’t do anything, just there to spot activity… but yet have to lie abt going for a night run.
So from 2017 till 2021, he had told me numerous lies which I have to discover one by one over this last 8/9 months. I cannot understand why he can’t just admit all one shot and spare me the surprises every 2/3 months… why did I trusted him so wholeheartedly? It all exploded from discovering his trips to the gay spas (as of now, thats a total of 4 trips admitted including 2 in 2021 which he timed so perfectly waiting for me to go back ofc while claiming he is at home and preparing for a work meeting soon), one movie date w a guy inclusive of late night chatting and gaming plus numerous night run trips that turned into a visit to a park.. which last trip was in 2020 - I spotted this when I found out abt his gay spa trip and he mentioned that he didn’t go to that park. I couldn’t verify again cause he deleted his trip record on google the next day after confrontation.
And the fact is, he blamed me? Like why do I have to dig history and ask. But hello, I didn’t know abt this and I came across some photos which makes me suspected. If he had admitted it one shot, I couldn’t have dug this up? What a joke.
I am an idiot, the idiot that believes those was the last time he lies to me. Those are the only things he hiding from me. But it turned out, there was so much more… to an extent that I don’t even know what he didn’t lie to me abt. I don’t noe whether I can still learn to trust him.. or even will I ever love him anymore… it still too hurtful now… everytime I see him, I’m just reminded of all his lies… how he can soo effortlessly lie to me in my face so many times over these 4 years (likely even more) and came home hugging/kissing me like everything is ok…
Honestly, I don’t noe whether I will walk out of this marriage one day… I just might, knowing I’m gona love him lesser and lesser everyday… how my heart hurts like crazy now and give me 3 months I shld be able to just let it go… these lies that to him seem like it’s nothing, it hurts like crazy and make me doubt everything he says… if it’s an occasion issue which occurs a few times due to can’t resist, i likely understand… but this obviously is a much bigger issue and clearly shows how much he doesn’t love me… to be able to continuously do this for 4 years…
17 years of relationship.. 15 years of marriage… all comes crumbled down over 4 years of lies… u played a fool of me and portrayed an excellent image of urself over all these years.. love is reali blind… I shld have seen this signs earlier…
